Guilt & Clutter Gag You and Drag You Down!
Feng Shui is all about creating environments that provide support, comfort and ease. When a clutch of clutter is encountered, many practitioners find that this is an indication of energy stagnating. Because there is just so much STUFF, none of the stuff is regularly used. Their first response will be to recommend you work on returning the flow of chi into that space in your life as quickly as you can.
But this is not always an accurate evaluation of the energy. Consider that you may be looking at a man’s garage where he has his workbench. He may have several projects in the works and be surrounded by parts, tools, and piles. Here is a creation zone. As Picasso said, “Every act of creation is first an act of destruction.” You will never create a Thanksgiving dinner without trashing your kitchen. Leave the fix-it guy alone. If you want to help, take out the trash, install some pegboard, and give him a set of shelves. Be sure he has good lighting for tasks, not just a ceiling light. Check his supplies and replenish them for him. Do NOT go in and clean up for him. He will thank you for supporting his work.
Guilt is not real. It is an imaginary load you have decided to carry that is generated by a negative connection you have to the past. Guilt is not about now. It’s not even really about you. It’s about your punishing you for something you did your didn’t do. Guilt paralyzes you in the present. You don’t know what to do, so you don’t do anything. Then every time you have to deal with your decision not to act, you hurt.
Clutter is simply decisions you don’t want to make. It is not a “bad” thing. You are not a “bad” person. If you have something you consider to be clutter, then you have chosen not to do something - for whatever reason - to move that thing to a point of service or to release it. And the reason you have chosen not to choose is because you haven’t let go of the pain you’re holding onto. How do you know you’re not wanting to make choices? Got a junk drawer?
Of course you do…we all do. It allows us a place to keep the things we don’t really know what to do with. Let’s consider the words “junk drawer.” Just having to identify yourself as possessing a junk drawer lowers your energy field. There is guilt here too.
But the situation is that you need a place to keep such items which are necessary in your life. They don’t need an entire piece of furniture, closet, or a room. They just need a spot where you can consistently locate the items you place there. You can give yourself permission to change the name of that drawer to the “necessities drawer.” Feel the difference? You are already letting go of guilt and loving the freedom!
Why do we hold onto guilt?
Our parents, teachers, and heroes modeled it for us. This is how we were taught to be “good.” If you do something wrong you should feel guilty, right? Nope. You only need to fix the mistake. If your toddler falls down while learning to walk, you don’t tell them they’re “bad.” You reassure them that they’re OK and encourage them to try again. If you cook something that isn’t tasty, you change it next time you cook it. If you say something ugly, you apologize and say something nicer next time. That lesson to feel guilty when you make a mistake took a little too strongly in your dutiful mind.
So Let Guilt Go!
Guilt is a negative attachment to the past. It’s time to look yourself in the eye and say and MEAN these words: “I am doing the best I can. Every day. I make mistakes, but I fix them. I keep trying, and keep going, and keep learning. Yay me! I love me enough to put my needs first. My well-being depends on me. From now on, I am prioritizing everyone else’s demands after my own needs.”
When you put your own needs first, clutter begins to melt away. You lose weight too. Letting go of things that you held onto because of guilt changes from something you are required to do because you are “bad” to a new mindset. It changes from something you “do” to a way of life. Releasing guilt is not about “getting rid of” anything. It’s about letting go of the things and thoughts that get in the way of what you want and need to live a supported, comfortable and easy life. Hope is a positive attachment to the future.
Cultivate Extreme Self-Love
Give yourself permission to set clear boundaries with others. You can only fix the problems that are yours. You tend to your well-being and they must tend to theirs. Your guilt takes over their problems as if they are your own. They are not. Your freedom from guilt frees you from responsibility for them.
Easy As 1-2-3-GO to be Guilt-Free
When you are taking care of you first, there is no guilt. If I offer you a bowl of monkey brain stew, you can say “No thank you” without any guilt whatsoever. Likewise, if I give you a brass monkey statue, you can say “Thank you,” then feel free to pass it on, sell it, or toss it. Neither object has anything to do with you or anything you should feel guilty about. If guilt pops up in your awareness, smile at yourself and know that now that you love you first, most, and best, you’re just fine.
To begin living guilt-free, evaluate everything you own. Ask yourself these three questions:
1) Does it make you feel good (loved, strong, beautiful)?
2) Is it in full functioning order? (Does it work? Is it whole?)
3) Have you used it successfully/happily in the last 2 years?
If you get three YES answers, find a place for your thing. If you don’t (sing with me now…): Let It GO!
You are worthy of things which make you feel loved. Things which empower you. And things which make you feel beautiful. Keeping these things will increase your self-esteem and self-confidence because you will realize YOU are taking care of YOU.
Break the Pain Chain
Keeping things that make you feel unloved, weak, or ugly betrays yourself. Deciding to keep things that are broken or useless betrays you too.
Practice 1-2-3 GO when you get dressed each day. Set a box or bag in your closet and place items there to give away whenever they don’t meet your standards. Yes, you ARE developing higher standards for yourself! Hugs all ‘round!
TAG! You’re It!
Seek out all the evidence of your guilt and lack of self-love. It is hiding in plain sight all around you. Here is how you’re going to become the master of your life. If you touch it, you have to deal with it. Run the 1-2-3-GO app. If it fails, drop it into 1) the trash, 2) donation box or 3) sell pile. On Saturday afternoon, 2 and 3 become 1. Dust your hands and move on.
When you begin sorting through your stuff, take baby bites. Always work on your clutter in the morning. Set a timer for 20 minutes (NO more!) then address a single drawer, shelf, or box. Break larger tasks into smaller ones. No matter what, stop when the timer rings. Clear away the detritus and go on.
If you get all wound up with your new power and go through your entire closet or garage, you will likely come down with the Feng Shui Flu. You will make yourself sick because you are not dealing with what the items mean to you, you are just scraping away the things in your life. This hurts. Don’t do it.
Don’t go clear out anyone else’s clutter either. You CAN help by being a body double. Just go sit with them and lend them moral support. If they ask about something give them your honest opinion, but they must choose to love themselves. This isn’t about you.
Be Prepared for Amazing Results!
Whenever you begin working on clutter, make sure your phone is with you and charged. As you release things which have been blocking you, the chi flow will return. Just like when your arm or leg goes to sleep, there will be pins and needles sensations as the blood/energy returns. Expect your phone to ring. Expect a letter in the mail. Expect a text. Look for new opportunities to present themselves to you. You’ll be given more choices to make. The potential for wonderful things to happen is EXTREMELY HIGH.
Before you get caught unprepared for the sweet flow of chi to return, sweep your threshold. Sweeten your welcome. Wash your windows. Polish your resume. Get an interview or presentation outfit ready. Have your hair cut and styled. Put gas in your car. Recharge your phone.
